Secretly--- yours???

so im tipsy right now and lemme tell you about this wack ass place-- its like someones dorm room on crack--- i dont see how anyone could go here and really have a good time with some lyin ass white ass european bitch side gyrating on a chair... this bitch (excuse me) said she had no family and was like some innocent euro-Russian chick act like she was some kinda orphan and get me for the $220... yea.. like lemme get the bitches with the bullet wounds tryna feed the kids... not some female that told me she was 26 but had been dancing for 13 years.... wait are you 26 or 32?? ..that is about to get G sized implants man.. .. im good on donating to the titty fund..AND there was a cat in the bathroom ...(feline, not dancer) seriously IN REAL LIFE $220 could have got me 200 tacos from Taco HELL...

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The FUCK You mean i broke it?!!?....

being without a phone sucks.... you know it... i know it.. its something we can all attest to because we cram our lives into smartphones and now androids... they are the most frustratingly necessary evil that we take for granted til' SOMETHING goes outta wack... i spoke on my pregnant battery in an earlier post but apparently that was just the beginning...

up until Monday of this week i had been without a phone for about 6 weeks or so because the USB/charger port on my Blackberry broke... it detached from the molding INSIDE the phone--- both RIM and T-Mobile blamed it on me like i took the damn phone apart and decided to wiggle some shit... didn't have the money to order another phone thats when i came across the cradle for the blackberry...




...and i thought "hale-glory thank you Jesus" because my problem would be solved in a matter of days... so i rush to Amazon.com and put in my $7.32 order with Bargain Cell... KNOWING that in 3-5 business days i would have a phone again... or maybe 7-10......um...11-14?... what the feezie?! so I e-mail them and they tell me to call.. i call the company and they tell me they'll call me back.. wha-what? um... okay?... so this lady calls me back at around 10:30pm as im getting ready to go out and tells me i need to wait til AFTER Christmas before they could send me a replacement... i went to the post office--and NOTHING... even though the online tracking information said that the item was 'delivered' so i called and called Bargain Cell like i was lookin for child support and they were ducking my emails and phone calls at this point... but eventually i got someone to send another one---anxiously tearing through the mail looking for that tiny stand of silver...and then one Glorious day 4-6 weeks later i orgasmic-ally open the package to resuscitate my phone and bring it back to LIFE!



mmm...mmmm---- welcome back, my mp3 player, connection to social media, phone book, alarm clock, and a plethora of other technological stimulants.. . .... ... .. .

somebody get me a towel...

. .. ..hold on my Battery is about to DI----------sonuvabitch.......

FIRST OFF......let me start by saying that RIM BlackBerry is the *GREATEST*....i love my Curve to death outside of occasional trackball issues and this battery issue that i am about to explain momentarily....now anyone that has talked to me in the last 4-6 weeks knows that ive been having battery issues....that being my battery was "swollen" and wouldn't hold a charge standing alone for more than about 15-20 minutes...sucks right?...so i ordered a battery off eBay for about $5 (w/shipping), T-Mobile wanted about 44-ish.....bitches....but the problem with that is that the battery just got here YESTERDAY....i ordered it on the 5th of November...so yea ive been suffering.....let me get to some pictures to show how severe and agitating this situation was...

(above view) the battery on the left is the fresh new one that i got in the mail

(side view) this one tells much more of the story...once again the battery on the left is the new Curve battery and the one on the right is the old one...do you SEE how enlarged it is?!....it swole to about 2 times its normal size and didn't fit in the phone correctly anymore (pics/video to come).....my phone definitely looked and felt pregnant....i'm not sure how common this issue is but it is truly, truly a hassle to any unsuspecting Blackberry owner

P.S.---i dunno WHAT the hell that is at the bottom of the second picture.............anyway--- Rock On!

ParkingFAIL!

So.....i went to Target today....and Chicagoans have good reason for NOT fuckin' wit' Cicero beyond the obvious "crowdedness".....i couldn't find a parking space to save my life....and after i did finally park....i witnessed THIS.....i bet you this is the SAME FUCKER that didnt "understand" me when i asked him for some salt...........*ahem.....'scuse me...sorry 'bout that....*