Long Way Down..... (Pt. II)

June----the year half over but the hits just came on coming around this time...after the fire and the fact that i had to leave my new place....a couple weeks later i was on the southside of Chicago on my way to a party---and right around 95th...my car engine locks up as im driving and i can do nothing about it at all but pray i can come to a safe stop.....later on i found that it would cost more to repair than i was willing to shell out---not only did i lose my car my the loss of my car caused me to lose both jobs i had at the time

July, August, September-- The summer was the most depressing summer after the happenings in June---all i remember was randomly drinking....and sitting in the house....not really wanting to eat nor get out the bed---i dislocated my kneecap this past summer too and just didnt care--- all this time ran together...i went back to class and didnt really care about that either...it was quite the struggle to find the will to do anything anymore...i just kept to myself while some of my friendships deteriorated...

October--- my 23rd birthday-- those that are close to me refused to let me stay inside with my lackluster dream deferred attitude... that was about all that happened for my 'Jordan' birthday-- let hope 24 rocks

November, December-- the holidays rolled around-- still struggling to find a job... and stressed about Christmas... stressed about how to improve.. but someone infected my life to convince me that things aren't all bad... and that its okay to let my guard down... and i trusted her enough to do just that... its one of few decisions that felt right and made me happy... a good way to end the year with some of my strength returning after such a dismal year... i look forward to what the future has in store for US... battered and broken but still not yet defeated... I keep ticking and coming back--- Rock On!

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/1mbalanc3d

The CHAMP is here!

NFL.com/Fantasy
League News:

CHAMPION!

Rockstars won the Tough Dogs League Championship by a score of 85 to 97 over Mad Dogs. Cardinals led the team in scoring in the championship round and Peyton Manning led the team in scoring for the season. Congrats once again to Rockstars on a terrific Fantasy Football Season.

YEAAAAAAHHHH!!! you kno what it is!!! Fantasy Football is fun...this was my first year---and then what?! FIRST YEAR CHAMPION!

Long Way Down..... (Pt. I)

2009-----Mercifully is coming to an end....its been the filled to the brim with spiritual and mental ups and downs.....heartbreak, heartache, disdain, remorse, regret, so many things that i could have done without...so many moments that ended is anger, confusion, and "Why Me?"'s....many nights spent in anxiety.... mind racing, pacing, unsure of what to do next....insomnia became my best friend.....

January---it was me against the world...and i was okay with that....i made no other resolution other than this year was about SELF.....putting myself number ONE....something i had never done

February--things were well....Valentines Day came and went...Aquarius and Pisces Birthdays were plentiful and partying stayed on deck....my eyes weren't on anyone and my time and money stayed intact....

March--ran into a bit of an emotional hangnail...i thought something was when it really wasn't...i fooled myself and called it quits on 'Love' and 'Relationships'...nothing good seemed to be coming my way anyway...clingy overbearing women and fuckery stayed afoot but i maintained in that realm...by stepping away from it...

April-- DAMN! i thought things were rollin....workin 2 1/2 jobs :-)....money was good...i stayed out and about...complete social whore...club promoting a little bit and kept it all in motion---just got work done on my car...everything was paid up and i was on my way to moving out my house and hopefully on my way to this long term fruitful relationship-------with freedom

May-- shit.....started...to change in a hurry........proud to 6 months untainted at this point....but thats where the good news came to a halt...the apartment that i finally found to move into in late May....burned down courtesy of one of 'Left Eye's apprentices....apparently her booskie Bubba Lubba wasnt actin' right and she decided to torch his shit in the bathtub....i smelled bacon...but there was definitely no pork to be found...looked out the window to catch a glimpse of the flickering lights and the flames racing out the first floor window.........

(Pt. 2 Coming Soon.......)

Former 36 Mafia Rapper Gangsta Boo Arrested For Robbing a Dollar Store | Vlad TV Blog

Former 36 Mafia Rapper Gangsta Boo Arrested For Robbing a Dollar Store | Vlad TV Blog

PWNED BY CIRCUMSTANCE!.............oh well...

so my day was an odd one----and to show this i decided to do something a little different and post a video about it as opposed to just text....this is my first time actually trying something like this so the Audio quality is a little sketchy...but ill work out the kinks as i move forward....

OH! and Shoutout to my brother JB (twitter.com/JMar_Sr) for puttin' me up on this Cee-Lo song "Under Tha Influence (Follow Me)" Rock on!

. .. ..hold on my Battery is about to DI----------sonuvabitch.......

FIRST OFF......let me start by saying that RIM BlackBerry is the *GREATEST*....i love my Curve to death outside of occasional trackball issues and this battery issue that i am about to explain momentarily....now anyone that has talked to me in the last 4-6 weeks knows that ive been having battery issues....that being my battery was "swollen" and wouldn't hold a charge standing alone for more than about 15-20 minutes...sucks right?...so i ordered a battery off eBay for about $5 (w/shipping), T-Mobile wanted about 44-ish.....bitches....but the problem with that is that the battery just got here YESTERDAY....i ordered it on the 5th of November...so yea ive been suffering.....let me get to some pictures to show how severe and agitating this situation was...

(above view) the battery on the left is the fresh new one that i got in the mail

(side view) this one tells much more of the story...once again the battery on the left is the new Curve battery and the one on the right is the old one...do you SEE how enlarged it is?!....it swole to about 2 times its normal size and didn't fit in the phone correctly anymore (pics/video to come).....my phone definitely looked and felt pregnant....i'm not sure how common this issue is but it is truly, truly a hassle to any unsuspecting Blackberry owner

P.S.---i dunno WHAT the hell that is at the bottom of the second picture.............anyway--- Rock On!

ParkingFAIL!

So.....i went to Target today....and Chicagoans have good reason for NOT fuckin' wit' Cicero beyond the obvious "crowdedness".....i couldn't find a parking space to save my life....and after i did finally park....i witnessed THIS.....i bet you this is the SAME FUCKER that didnt "understand" me when i asked him for some salt...........*ahem.....'scuse me...sorry 'bout that....*

#MusicMonday

With my lack of sleep and mind constantly raging..... insomnia is pretty well documented on my part.....so one of my choices for this weeks #MusicMonday is 4:AM Forever by Lostprophets.....Rock On!

Another of my favorites...an old school song by Tavares - "It Only Takes A Minute" is one of those feel good songs that gives you that strange tingle to believe that love still truly exists....and is out there despite all the lies and deceit we have all faced in our lives...

And Finally....a song thats also pretty feel good....i catch myself listening to it a lot is "One Love" by Trey Songz....Mr. Songz killed it on this one....maybe one day ill be saying some of these lyrics to that "Special Someone"....wherever she is....

SSSSSSSSS......AAahhhhhhh *Sizzle*........Blu Phi

Back in May...i got 'hit' for the first (and probably only) time....i procrastinated for a

long, long time before i gave into actually doing it....

so heres the video from that night after K.A.O.S. in May...then the healing afterwards....

This was after 3-4 Weeks i think...

This was close to 3 months

Then at this point it didnt change much more....this was after about 3 and a half months ---Rock On!

"Thats what HE said....."

My brother JB (twitter.com/JMar_Sr), my buddy GiGi (twitter.com/endless_misses) on the cameraphone, and yours truly chillin' out randomly playin WWE Smackdown Vs. Raw 2009 on the Wii on a boring night in my room this is kinda old tho but i just got it to upload....anyway Enjoy!

Internal Anarchy Vol. I

. ... .. . . . .. .Another sleepless night... .. . ...

my body aches..

it shakes..

it quakes..

mind racing

heart trembling

im weak........

...........Or Am I?.........

feelings of confusion

disillusioned

is it passion or hate, that sits behind the gate of my teeth on my tongue?

disdain for what i have become?

insanity creeping up yet another rung?

ill look you in the eye

smile...

silent screams intense....

lay my head to rest

and the silent screams commence

they run deep in my veins now

i can almost taste them

........embrace them.....

some sat that i'm in "pain"...

"They" say i lack a glow----

but....who said this pain was bad?

im Stronger than you'll ever know........

Let me get this out the way also....

so i was looking thru my phone and i came across a 'Profile' of myself that i sent to someone sometime across the year....i figured id share it since its still pretty accurate...

Hello How are you doing?..My name is Ammad and this is the first time that I've ever responded to anyones post...I read thru it a couple times and had a smile come to my face so I figured why not give it a try...I'm 22, african american somewhere between 6'3 and 6'4 I'm a big guy with a voice like Barry White (so I'm told), the solid football player type at around 285 but I'm still working at that...I stay pretty well groomed...hygiene a must...I'm a funloving type that loves to laugh and knows when to be silly to calm tense moments...but I also know when the businessman and professional needs to be in the forefront...I'm a Psychology Major and Criminal Justice Minor...I'm going back to finish up school in the fall...I had to take a little time off to cure some financial woes...but I work full time now so things have gotten better with prayer...I'm a church goer but not the type to throw religion in anyones face...I realize we make mistakes...and it takes time for us all to establish our own personal connection with God in order to remedy our fallacies...on the complete flipside of that...I do like to party, I drink and kick it when I get the time to...but I'm not the type to go to a club or a bar and spend a ton of money...its a recession...lol...but I do like to have a good time...I feel you completely on meeting new people...that's pretty much where I am right now in my life...if something happens...I'm willing to accept that...but I'm not looking to push for sex or 'Love' right now...if you have anything you wanna ask be my guest...if you want to see pictures that's cool too ill either send them to you or ill link you to my facebook page....hope to hear from you soon....take care and goodnight
:..:The Royal Blu Rockstar:..:

Sounds good dont it ;-) lol Rock on

The Rockstar Princess

This is my little princess Akyria....love her to death

I DOUBLE DARE YOU MOTHER FUCKER!

What does Marsellus Wallace look like.............?

Headbanger Fail

Lmao.....thats all im gonna say....

Hello, Hola, Whadown, Whats Good, and Aloha!

whats goin on??.....Well im on the blogger scene again...im gonna try and stay faithful and keep with the updates with some of my own thoughts and opinions of course....funny youtube videos and hell even try to post a few of my own....follow me on twitter.... www.twitter.com/1mbalanc3d Rock On!

OH!!! and by the way..... Happy 23rd birthday to ME.....that handsome guy up there^^^